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I Love You, Man · 2009 — Chapter 3 of 19 · 5'02" · B1

Peter Tries to Make Friends, Explained: strike up a conversation

Zooey's bridesmaids don't say it to Peter's face, but they agree he has no friends — "I honestly think that his best friend is his mom." What looks like wedding planning is really an intervention: Peter decides he needs male friends, and lets his brother coach him through the awkward first steps.

What happens

Zooey's bridesmaids think Peter has no friends, so Peter — about to get married — decides to find some before the wedding. His brother Robbie offers to help, coaching him to chat up strangers at the gym, at poker, and at a soccer game, where the attempts go badly. A dinner with a new acquaintance named Doug follows.

Small talkAsking for helpSuggestingAskingSiblingsB1fastamerican
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walk down the aislemy specialtystraight as an arrownot so much

00:00 / 05:02
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Phrase of the scene

strike up a conversation

start a chat

Robbie tells Peter to start a chat with a promising guy and then suggest a man-date.

I always strike up a conversation with the barista while I wait.

Also in this scene

  • walk down the aisle

    get married

  • my specialty

    what I am good at

  • straight as an arrow

    completely straight

  • not so much

    much less so

  • fix you up

    set someone up

Everything marked in this scene

28 notes across 102 lines

Phrase · A2without friends

having no friends

A guy without friends can be really clingy.
Phrase · B1drive someone crazy

drive someone mad

Like, my brother-in-law drives my sister crazy.
Phrase · B2walk down the aisle

get married

The friends worry about who will stand beside the groom, slipping in walk down the aisle.

It's gonna be a little weird if we're walking down the aisle alone.
Soundwalking down the

The g in walking often drops and down the slides by.

It's gonna be a little weird if we're walking down the aisle alone.
Phrase · A2someone's best friend

closest friend

I honestly think that his best friend is his mom.
Grammar · B1that his best friend is his mom

object clause: The that-clause after think spells out what she believes.

I honestly think that his best friend is his mom.
Phrase · B1feel grown-up

feel like an adult

I know. It's so exciting. I feel so grown-up.
Slang · B2fucking

an intensifier — A strong intensifier; too rough for formal talk.

I gotta get some fucking friends.
Phrase · B1come to someone for help

ask me for help

This is cool. You're coming to me for help.
Phrase · B1be one's specialty

what I am good at

Robbie boasts that helping straight men is exactly his forte.

Well, the good news is not only do I know men, but straight guys are my specialty.
Grammar · B2not only do I know men

inversion: Not only at the front forces do before the subject.

Well, the good news is not only do I know men, but straight guys are my specialty.
Soundnot only do I

Link not only, then let do I run together.

Well, the good news is not only do I know men, but straight guys are my specialty.
Phrase · B1give oneself a challenge

set oneself a challenge

I get bored pursuing gays. I like to give myself more of a challenge.
Phrase · B2hook up

get together casually

I'm telling you, hooking up is easy.
Slang · B2hooking up

getting together casually — Casual talk about romance; not for family dinner.

I'm telling you, hooking up is easy.
Phrase · B1not so much

much less so

Robbie contrasts easy hook-ups with the much harder task of making real male friends.

Meeting platonic male friends, not so much.
Phrase · B1be aggressive about something

push hard on it

Well, I can do some recon around the gym, but you're gonna have to be aggressive about this, man.
Slang · B2recon

reconnaissance — Military slang borrowed for casual talk.

Well, I can do some recon around the gym, but you're gonna have to be aggressive about this, man.
Phrase · B1fix someone up

set someone up

Robbie half jokes that even Peter's mother could set him up with someone.

Get Mom to fix you up.
Phrase · B2strike up a conversation

start a chat

Robbie tells Peter to start a chat with a promising guy and then suggest a man-date.

I mean, if you see a cool-looking guy, strike up a conversation -and ask him on a man-date. -A what?
Grammar · B1if you see a cool-looking guy

if-clause: The if-clause sets a condition, then an imperative gives the advice.

I mean, if you see a cool-looking guy, strike up a conversation -and ask him on a man-date. -A what?
Phrase · B1free sessions

five free lessons

Well, actually, I don't know him that well, but I'll give you five free sessions if you take him out.
Phrase · A2have dinner with someone

eat dinner with

Robbie toId me not to have dinner with any of these guys.
Phrase · B1something won't kill you

it is harmless

Zooey nudges Peter into the awkward dinner by making the risk sound tiny.

Your brother's a crazy person. One dinner won't kill you.
Soundwon't kill you

The t in won't drops and kill you blurs into kill-ya.

Your brother's a crazy person. One dinner won't kill you.
Phrase · B2fresh off the boat

newly arrived

A couple of weeks. Fresh off the boat from Chicago.
Slang · B2Da Bears

the Bears — A Chicago accent joke about the football team.

Da Bears.
Phrase · A2years back

years ago

The picture's from a coupIe of years back.

Peter Tries to Make Friends, explained

What's really going on

Peter's crisis is not that he is lonely — it is that everyone else has already noticed. The bridesmaids frame a friendless man as a burden; "A guy without friends can be really clingy" is less a warning about Peter than a rule they assume about men. So Peter's search for friends starts as a kind of homework, and Robbie approaches it like matchmaking: "straight guys are my specialty," he announces, treating Peter's need as a project with rules — no dinner, no movies. The comedy is that friendship cannot be scheduled, and every coached attempt lands flat. By the end, the honest line isn't the coaching but Peter's own: he finally admits he has to get some friends.

Theme

FriendshipPeter is getting married but has no friends, so the chapter turns his search for male friendship into a coached, awkward project.
LonelinessEveryone sees Peter's isolation before he does, and the bridesmaids treat a friendless man as a warning.

What you'll learn

  • Walk down the aisle means to marry
  • Fix someone up means to arrange a date
  • Not so much reverses the previous claim
  • Clingy describes someone too dependent

Listen for

  • walking down the — The g in walking often drops and down the slides by.
  • not only do I — Link not only, then let do I run together.
  • won't kill you — The t in won't drops and kill you blurs into kill-ya.
A guy without friends can be really clingy.

The bridesmaids' reasoning: without his own friends, a man will lean entirely on his partner, so they worry Peter will smother Zooey.

Well, the good news is not only do I know men, but straight guys are my specialty.

Robbie, offering to help, jokes that his experience as a gay man makes him an expert on what straight men want in a friend.

Your brother's a crazy person. One dinner won't kill you.

Zooey dismisses Robbie's strict rules about man-dates: having dinner with a new acquaintance may be awkward, but it won't hurt Peter.

I honestly think that his best friend is his mom.

A bridesmaid's blunt assessment of Peter: the closest thing he has to a best friend is his own mother.

Questions about this scene

Why do the bridesmaids think Peter needs friends?

They fear a man with no friends will cling to his wife; one says a friendless guy can be really clingy and jokes that Peter's best friend is his mom.

Why does Robbie's plan have so many rules?

Robbie treats Peter's search like dating strategy, banning dinner and movies so the meet-ups don't look romantic — but his coaching mostly makes things more awkward.

What does "straight as an arrow" mean here?

It usually means completely honest or upright, but here it's a pun: the man flirting with Robbie wears a wedding ring, so he is straight.

Who is Doug?

A man Peter meets near the end of the chapter — a recent arrival from Chicago — who seems to be another potential friend Peter is set up with.

I Love You, Man · 19 chapters

All chapters →
Up next · Chapter 4get the hang of itPeter's Awkward Man-Dates
Chapter 1put a down payment onPeter Proposes to ZooeyChapter 2take the leapPeter Misses the Joshua Tree TripWatching · Chapter 3strike up a conversationPeter Tries to Make FriendsChapter 4get the hang of itPeter's Awkward Man-DatesChapter 5let one ripPeter Meets Sydney at an Open HouseChapter 6in a jiffPeter Calls Sydney for a Man-DateChapter 7Hands downPeter and Sydney's First Man-DateChapter 8wet my beakTevin Tries to Wet His BeakChapter 9man cavePeter Tours Sydney's Man CaveChapter 10squeeze inPeter Bonds with Sydney Over MusicChapter 11rock your worldPeter Introduces Zooey to RushChapter 12smoking hotPeter Introduces Sydney to His FamilyChapter 13between you and mePeter and Zooey Fight About PrivacyChapter 14bail onSydney Tempts Peter to Skip HBOChapter 15weirded outZooey Confronts Peter About SydneyChapter 16hit it offPeter Asks Sydney to Be Best ManChapter 17good faithZooey Leaves Peter Before the WeddingChapter 18sick ofPeter Confronts Sydney Over BillboardsChapter 19broke the moldPeter and Sydney Make Up
Chapter 3 of 19 · about 70 min to go