laugh yourself into stitches笑得肚子抽筋

把看戲的邀請說成開藥方：先點你身上的脾，再拋一個笑到抽筋的結果。

If you desire X and will Y, follow me

招呼朋友一起去看熱鬧、看笑話時，可以借這個節奏來吆喝。

Come along if you want a good laugh. ／ Follow me if you're up for watching the show.

literary

重音落在 laugh 和 stitches，前面 spleen 一帶而過。

If you desire a real laugh and will risk a sore stomach, follow me to the comedy club. 你要是真想笑一場，不怕笑到肚子疼，就跟我去喜劇俱樂部。

三個 thanks 層層加碼，把說不盡的感激推到最高點。

I can no other answer make but thanks

別人幫了大忙，你覺得一句謝謝太輕時，可以這樣把謝意疊起來。

I have no words but thank you. ／ Thanks, and thanks again, for everything.

literary

thanks 一次比一次重，最後的 ever thanks 放慢收尾。

I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, for getting me through that month. 幫我熬過那個月，我除了道謝真的無話可說，謝謝，謝謝。

用解剖和跳蚤當尺子，把懦弱誇張成一具空殼，損人不帶一個髒字。

if he were X, I'll eat the rest

朋友吹牛時，用荒誕假設加一個誇張後果來拆臺，比直接罵更有趣。

If he's that brave, I'll eat my hat. ／ Open him up and you won't find a drop of courage.

口語

so much ... as 連成一條線讀，最後的 eat 加重。

If that excuse were true, I would eat the rest of this menu. 那個藉口要是真的，這整份選單剩下的我都吃了。

用「像兇手一樣跟蹤」形容盯梢，陰森的比喻配惡作劇的動機，壞笑的畫面感全出來了。

I have dogged him like his murderer.

半開玩笑地說自己一路盯著某人時用；認真說會讓人以為你在威脅，別用。

I trailed him like a hitman. ／ I followed him like his shadow, or worse.

口語

I have dogged him 連讀重推，like his murderer 放慢收住。

I have dogged the delivery van like its murderer. 我像它的殺手一樣一路跟著那輛快遞車。

把「撮合不了」誇張成牛拉繩拽，鄉土的比喻讓結論既好笑又決絕。

Oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together.

半開玩笑地說兩人合不來時用，帶鄉土腔；正式評估團隊搭配別用。

Not even oxen could pull those two together. ／ No rope could drag them into one room.

口語

I think 輕帶，oxen and wainropes 重讀，cannot hale them together 放慢收住。

Oxen and wainropes cannot hale those two into a partnership. 用牛和繩子也拉不到那兩人合作。