這場戲：說出父母離世那一夜
第 12 章 · 共 15 章 · 4'58"
亞當終於向哈里講起父母出事那一夜：他睡在父母床上，was meant to（本來要）跟他們一起去。他說那種孤獨長大後就凝固了，又跟別的事 tangled up with（糾纏在一起）。想學怎麼說清最難的往事，這段很值得看。
❝ 獨白 · 39 句 was meant to 是「本來要去、本該」：I was meant to go with them
was meant to 本來要去、本該came to the door 上門來到門口right away 立刻、馬上
亞當向哈里講起父母去世的經過。出事那晚他睡在父母的床上，was meant to（本該）跟他們一起去沃爾什家的聖誕酒會；半夜警察上門，告訴他車在薄冰上打滑，爸爸當場走了，媽媽幾天後也走了。外婆覺得讓他見最後一面 too scarring（會留下太大陰影），所以他沒能道別。多年後，那種孤獨跟關於自己身份的一切 tangled up with（糾纏在一起），讓他覺得未來不重要。哈里說 I can't even begin to imagine how you felt（我根本無法想像你當時的感受），也懂 stop caring about yourself（不再照顧自己）有多容易。想學怎麼講創傷、怎麼好好接住它，這段很值得看。
A1–C2 是歐標等級。點一個等級後，比它高的卡片會變淡，播放到那裡不會自動暫停。
“I was meant to go with them.”
那晚我本該跟他們一起去的。
一句最平靜的話，說盡一生的倖存者自責。
be meant to do something
說本來該做卻錯過的事時用，對熟人傾訴合適，正式書面裡少用。
I was supposed to go with them ／ I should have gone with them
中性
was meant to 連讀，go 重讀，句尾下沉。
We were meant to meet at six, but I lost track of time. 我們本來約了六點見，結果我忘了時間。
“I can't even begin to imagine how you felt.”
我完全無法想像你當時是什麼感受。
承認自己無法感同身受，比一句我懂更真誠。
can't even begin to imagine something
安慰剛經歷難事的人時用，語氣要真誠，別用來輕描淡寫。
I can't imagine what you went through ／ I can't begin to understand how you felt
中性
can't even begin 連成一串，imagine 稍拖長。
I can't even begin to imagine how hard this week has been. 我完全無法想像你這週過得有多難。
“I know how easy it can be to stop caring about yourself.”
我知道人有多容易就不再照顧自己。
用一句體諒說出長期低落裡最隱秘的變化。
it can be easy to do something
對人表達體諒時用，適合親近關係，別用來教訓對方。
It is easy to stop looking after yourself ／ It can be hard to care about yourself
中性
how easy 連讀，yourself 重讀收尾。
It can be easy to stop caring about yourself when work gets busy. 工作一忙起來，人很容易就不再照顧自己。
“I was sleeping in their bed the night they went out.”
他們出門那天晚上，我睡在他們床上。
一句平常的交代，把「我本來也該在車上」的倖存者愧疚壓到最輕也最重。
I was doing something the night they went out
講一段往事、說明自己當時在做什麼時用；對剛經歷事故的人要慎重，別像追問細節。
I was asleep in their bed when they left. ／ That night I was sleeping in their room.
中性
sleeping in 連讀，the night they 輕快帶過。
I was studying in the kitchen the night the storm hit. 暴風雨那晚，我正在廚房看書。
I was sleeping in their bed the night they went out. I was meant to go with them. To Christmas drinks at the Walsh's. Around midnight, um... Two police came to the door. A man and a woman. He had really beautiful, kind eyes, and this thick, dark stubble. Looked like it had been drawn on. The car skidded on black ice. (SIGHS) Both of them had been drinking. Dad was killed right away, but they took Mum to, uh, Saint Mary's in Croydon, and she died a few days later. Did you get to see her? What'd you mean? To say goodbye? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. No. My granny thought it would be too scarring. Jesus. I went looking for that eye. I don't know why. Didn't want anyone else to find it. Thought it would be on the side of the road. Staring up at me. "Hi." (CHUCKLES) In my head, it had blood on it, but maybe that's not true. The nurse said that Mum woke up just before she died. She must've been so confused. Can't hardly see and... Dad wasn't there, I wasn't there. I can't even begin to imagine how you felt. How lonely you must've been. Yeah, but, like, I'd always felt lonely, even before. This was a new feeling. Like... a terror, that I'd always be alone now. And then, as I got older, that feeling just, just solidified. Just a... Just a knot here all the time. And then losing them, it just got tangled up with all the other stuff, about being gay, and just feeling, like, the future doesn't matter.
他們出門那晚，我睡在他們床上。 本來該跟他們一起去的。 去沃爾什家的聖誕酒會。 大概半夜，呃…… 兩個警察上門，一男一女。 他的眼睛很好看、很溫和，還有濃黑的胡茬。 像畫上去的一樣。 車在薄冰上打滑。（嘆氣） 他們倆都喝了酒。 爸爸當場就走了，媽媽被送到克羅伊登的聖瑪麗醫院，幾天後也走了。 你見到她了嗎？ 什麼意思？去道別嗎？ 嗯，對。 沒見到。 我外婆覺得那會留下太大陰影。 天哪。 我去找過那隻眼睛。 我也不知道為什麼。不想讓別人找到。 我以為它會掉在路邊。 盯著我看，說「嗨」。（笑） 在我記憶裡上面有血，也許並不是真的。 護士說媽媽臨終前醒過一次。 她一定很茫然。幾乎看不見，還…… 爸爸不在，我也不在。 我根本無法想像你當時的感受。 你該有多孤獨。 是啊，可我在那之前就一直覺得孤獨。 那是一種新的感覺。 像…… 一種恐懼， 從現在起我將永遠孤獨。 後來我長大，那種感覺就， 慢慢凝固了。 就像…… 就像這裡一直有個結。 失去他們之後，又跟別的所有事纏在一起， 關於自己是同性戀， 還有那種感覺， 覺得未來根本不重要。
下一章 · 13get on with his life繼續過自己的日子這場戲：老宅外不願離開意思是「本該、本來要去」，用來說計劃好卻沒發生的事，常帶遺憾。戲裡亞當說自己本該和父母一起去那場酒會。
說 tangled up with，原指線纏成一團，引申為情緒、事情攪在一起分不開。戲裡說喪親之痛和身份困惑纏在一起。
來自 scar（傷疤），指「留下心理創傷」。戲裡外婆覺得讓孩子見母親最後一面 too scarring，怕他受刺激。
常和 can't even 連用：I can't even begin to imagine...，意思是「我完全沒法想像」。用來表達對別人處境的體諒。
意思是「不再照顧自己、開始不在乎自己」，常和抑鬱、喪失感有關。戲裡哈里用它表示理解亞當的麻木。
