honest to God对天发誓

把自己人骂成「活宝」再补一刀「他已经晕了」，手术台上的黑色幽默。

If ... knew ..., I think he'd ...

在背后拿自己人开涮、又补一句更狠的笑点时可套用；当着当事人别说。

If he knew who was treating him, he'd run. ／ He'd faint if he saw this.

口语

the clowns 重读，I think he'd faint 语速放慢。

If the client knew who was really doing the work, he'd faint. 要是客户知道真正干活的是谁，他会晕过去。

认人成功的那一下惊喜全在语气里，后半句还带点撒娇的埋怨。

I thought you'd never ...

久别重逢、对方终于认出自己时用；正式场合这句太随意。

I thought you'd forgotten me. ／ I never thought you'd remember.

口语

it is 重读拉长，never remember 连读收尾。

I thought you'd never recognize me with this beard. 我留了这胡子，还以为你永远认不出我了。

把火车艳遇说成「找到人生圆满」，一本正经的夸张最逗。

Only man ever ...

用夸张的定语介绍朋友、调侃他的传奇经历时用；正式介绍别这么编。

The only man who ever ... ／ The one and only ...

口语

TrapperJohn 连读，Only man ever 放慢强调。

He's the only man ever to fall asleep during his own wedding. 他是唯一一个在自己婚礼上睡着的人。

用「装备最齐全」四个字替代粗话，双关藏在正经词里。

He's what you might call the best-equipped ...

想开黄腔又不想说脏字时，用正经词打双关；正式场合这种玩笑别开。

He's very well equipped. ／ The best-equipped man in the unit.

口语

what you might call 轻快带过，best-equipped 重读。

He's what you might call the best-equipped hiker on the trip. 他就是你说的那种，全队装备最齐全的驴友。

把冒犯包进恭维，听着像夸人，实际是拿职业当玩笑。

It's a good thing ..., otherwise we'd ...

用「幸亏……不然……」半开玩笑地敲打人时用；职场里这种话算骚扰，别学。

Good thing for you, or else. ／ You're lucky it's you.

口语

a good thing 重读，get rid ofyou 连读成一片。

It's a good thing you drive, otherwise we'd never get there. 幸亏你会开车，不然我们根本到不了。

把自己人办的活动调侃成一个节日，画面感一下就有了。

It must be ... Day in ...

调侃某个固定活动或热闹场面时用；正式报道别拿节日名开玩笑。

Must be shower day again. ／ It's that time again.

口语

well, well, well 一串带过，Painless Polish Day 重读。

It must be free-food day in the office again. 准是办公室又到免费零食日了。