a huge red flag危險訊號

先用一句認錯把責任攬下，再用一個生僻又滑稽的舊詞 flibbertigibbet 形容自己，把迷路說成天生缺陷。裝傻裝得越文雅越好笑。

When it comes to ..., I sure can be a ...

半開玩笑地承認自己在某件小事上特別不靠譜時用，自嘲味濃。

I'm hopeless when it comes to directions. ／ Ask me anything but the way there.

口語

When it comes to 連讀，reading maps 稍快，an old flibbertigibbet 放慢拖長收。

When it comes to directions, I sure can be a total mess. 一說到認路，我這人真是徹底沒轍。

When it comes to remembering names, I sure can be a hopeless case. 一說到記名字，我這人就沒救。

把身份偽裝說成一種統計學上的優勢：只要湊成一家人，檢查的人就會自動放過。一句冷靜的觀察，點破規則如何被外表的正常騙過。

But ..., they don't get a second look.

指出某類人因為看起來普通反而不被盤問時用，語氣冷靜、略帶諷刺。

Blend in and no one questions you. ／ Nobody looks twice at an ordinary family.

中性

But families 稍停，they don't get 連讀，a second look 放慢收。

But tour groups, they don't get a second look at the gate. 可旅行團，在門口根本沒人多看一眼。

But delivery vans, they don't get a second look on this street. 可送貨車，在這條街上根本沒人多看一眼。

用買和租兩個詞的替換，把羞辱包裝成一場明碼標價的生意。改口改得理直氣壯，反而更顯出他根本不打算把對方當人看。

I'm not buying you. I'm renting you.

被人指責把人當物品時，用更直白的交易說法回敬，冷得發笑。

It's not ownership, it's a rental. ／ Not bought, just borrowed for the trip.

口語

I'm not buying you 稍快，all right 輕帶，I'm renting you 放慢加重。

I'm not hiring you, all right? I'm borrowing you for a week. 我不是僱你，好嗎？我是借你用一個星期。

It's not a purchase, all right? It's a short-term lease. 這不是買斷，好嗎？這是短期租用。

用兩個反問和一個荒謬的比喻把方案否定掉，pervert Olympics 把最壞的聯想說成一場比賽，畫面感極強，也讓拒絕顯得無可辯駁。

It'll look like the ... Olympics.

用誇張的比喻否定一個荒唐安排時用，好笑又帶畫面。

That would look beyond suspicious. ／ Two guys alone in a van? No thanks.

口語

Are you kidding 上揚，alone in a van 放慢，the pervert Olympics 一字一頓收。

Two grown men sharing one tiny tent? It'll look like the weird Olympics. 兩個大男人擠一個小帳篷？那看起來像奇葩奧運會。

You and me sneaking out at midnight? It'll look like the teen Olympics. 你和我半夜溜出去？那看起來像青少年奧運會。