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Clerks II · 2006 — Chapter 7 of 17 · 2'42" · B2

Planning a Donkey Show for a Send-Off, Explained: at its finest

A farewell gift conversation turns into a pitch for a donkey show. On the surface it is absurd one-upmanship; underneath, the send-off is meant to be memorable before a move to Florida and a wedding. The clincher is the deadpan reply, “At its finest, I hope.”

What happens

One person is looking at a Transformers site; the other is trying to secure a going-away present for Mr. Dante. The gift ideas escalate from an Arwen sword replica to a donkey show. A borrowed cellphone leads to a call booking Kinky Kelly for tonight, with a brief hold and fingers crossed.

Office chatPhone callsSuggestingPersuadingB2mediumamerican
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going away presentwhat's sexier thanat its finestfucked up

00:00 / 02:42
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  35. ❝ MonologueReading the Donkey Show Ad5 linesPractice page ↗
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Phrase of the scene

at its finest

at its best

After the act is called bestiality, the reply calmly hopes it is bestiality at its finest, turning disgust into deadpan irony.

The office printer is at its finest when it jams on a deadline.

Also in this scene

  • going away present

    a farewell gift

  • what's sexier than

    what could be sexier than…

  • fucked up

    seriously messed up

  • taking it on the road

    going on tour

  • Oscar Wilde-like wordplay

    Wilde-worthy punning

Everything marked in this scene

31 notes across 61 lines

Phrase · A2look for something

try to find something

are you looking for a good Transformers site?
Phrase · B2morph something to look like something

transformed so it looks like

Because at CarsToBots. Com, you can get an avatar that's your picture morphed to look like a robot.
Grammar · B2an avatar that's your picture morphed to look like a robot

relative clause: The relative clause defines the avatar, while 'morphed' describes the picture being transformed.

Because at CarsToBots. Com, you can get an avatar that's your picture morphed to look like a robot.
Phrase · B1when there's someone around

when certain people are present

You know I only surf Transformers sites when there's girls around, so they can see how cool I am.
Slang · B1surf

browse websites — Casual for browsing; too informal for formal writing.

You know I only surf Transformers sites when there's girls around, so they can see how cool I am.
Soundwhat are you

Let 'what are you' blur into one quick unit rather than three separate words.

So what are you doing then?
Phrase · B1a going away present

a farewell gift

Someone claims to be organizing a farewell gift for Dante, and the straight-faced setup makes the later suggestions funnier.

Trying to secure a going away present for Mr. Dante.
Phrase · B1thoughtful and practical

considerate and useful

'Cause it's, like, thoughtful and practical.
Phrase · B1a little more + adjective

slightly more…

I was thinking of something a little more sexy.
Phrase · B1what's sexier than + noun

what could be sexier than…

One suggestion is mocked as not sexy enough, so the reply offers an absurd fantasy prop as if it were a serious upgrade.

Well, what's sexier than an elf princess's sword?
Slang · C1donkey show

a live animal-sex show — Refers to an extreme adult act; never use it formally.

A donkey show.
Slang · B1chick

woman; girl — Casual and objectifying; avoid it in formal or respectful contexts.

You ever see a chick give a mule a blow job?
Slang · B2blow job

oral sex — Vulgar sexual slang; keep it private.

You ever see a chick give a mule a blow job?
Slang · C1brain you

hit you in the head — An exaggerated violent threat; not for serious use.

If you spoil this, I'm gonna brain you.
Phrase · B1keep your mouth shut

stay silent or keep a secret

You gonna keep your mouth shut?
Phrase · C1at its finest

at its best

After the act is called bestiality, the reply calmly hopes it is bestiality at its finest, turning disgust into deadpan irony.

At its finest, I hope.
Slang · C1fucked up

twisted; seriously messed up — Vulgar slang for private talk, not formal settings.

Because it's fucked up.
Slang · C1spunk

semen — Very vulgar and highly informal.

And I want to see if a chick with a mouthful of donkey spunk swallows.
Phrase · B2give it up for someone/something

applaud or cheer for not 'give up'; call for applause

You got to give it up for Oscar Wilde-like wordplay that good.
Slang · C1sucking off

performing oral sex on — Vulgar sexual slang; not casual small talk.

Only one of Kinky Kelly sucking off Optimus Prime.
Phrase · B1in case of an emergency

if an emergency happens

Well, 'cause, I'm only supposed to use it to call my parents in case of an emergency.
Grammar · B2I'm only supposed to use it

obligation structure: Be supposed to marks an obligation or rule; only narrows the permitted use, and to call gives the purpose.

Well, 'cause, I'm only supposed to use it to call my parents in case of an emergency.
Soundsupposed to

Keep the middle of 'supposed to' light and let 'to' stay weak.

Well, 'cause, I'm only supposed to use it to call my parents in case of an emergency.
Phrase · B2lock up something

secure a booking

Before the call is even made, someone insists the performer must be locked in for tonight, sounding like a deal that has to close.

We got to lock up Kinky Kelly for tonight, so we can give Mr. Dante a memorable send-off.
Phrase · B2a memorable send-off

a farewell to remember

We got to lock up Kinky Kelly for tonight, so we can give Mr. Dante a memorable send-off.
Phrase · B2prevent someone from doing something

stop someone from ever seeing

And it'd be nice to give him this before he goes off to Florida and gets married and does all those other things that prevent a guy from ever seeing a fucked-up donkey show in his lifetime.
Grammar · B2before he goes off to Florida and gets married

time clause: The before-clause sets the deadline, and the list of future events makes the last chance sound absurdly final.

And it'd be nice to give him this before he goes off to Florida and gets married and does all those other things that prevent a guy from ever seeing a fucked-up donkey show in his lifetime.
Phrase · A2be on hold

waiting on the phone waiting on the line, not physically held

I'm on hold.
Phrase · B1fingers crossed

hoping for luck

On the phone, a line reports being on hold, and a quick 'fingers crossed' follows for luck; the next line turns the gesture into a crude joke.

Fingers crossed.
SoundFingers crossed

Put the beat on 'fingers' and 'crossed,' then skip lightly through the rest.

Fingers crossed.
Slang · C1cross dicks

a crude joke about crossing penises — An extremely crude one-off joke, not a set idiom.

We should probably cross dicks, too.

Planning a Donkey Show for a Send-Off, explained

What's really going on

The stated errand is practical: 'Trying to secure a going away present for Mr. Dante.' But the gift ideas expose two ways of saying goodbye. One is fandom-coded and 'thoughtful and practical'—an elf princess's sword; the other turns the send-off into a dare to see something 'fucked up.' The phone call raises the stakes because it has to happen tonight, and the Florida-and-marriage line frames the act as a last burst of irresponsible freedom. The affection is barely hidden: 'You love Mr. Dante, don't you?' gets the dry answer 'In a non-gay way.' The deadpan 'At its finest, I hope' keeps the crude joke from turning sentimental.

Theme

FriendshipThe crude gift planning is framed as a send-off for Mr. Dante, and the call is justified by wanting to give him a memorable night.
Dark humorA donkey-show proposal and the deadpan reply “At its finest, I hope” turn an obscene idea into a running joke.

Listen for

  • what are you — Let 'what are you' blur into one quick unit rather than three separate words.
  • supposed to — Keep the middle of 'supposed to' light and let 'to' stay weak.
  • Fingers crossed — Put the beat on 'fingers' and 'crossed,' then skip lightly through the rest.
You know I only surf Transformers sites when there's girls around, so they can see how cool I am.

The speaker claims his Transformers browsing is not genuine fandom but a performance meant to make women notice how cool he is.

I was thinking of something a little more sexy.

The sword suggestion is rejected: the speaker wants a gift with more explicit adult appeal for the send-off.

Well, what's sexier than an elf princess's sword?

A mock-serious challenge that treats the fantasy sword as the height of sexiness before the donkey-show punchline.

You got to give it up for Oscar Wilde-like wordplay that good.

A sarcastic compliment to the ad's crude double entendre, praising it as if it were Wilde-level literary wit.

Questions about this scene

Why does the gift planning turn into a phone call?

The plan is to book Kinky Kelly for tonight, so Mr. Dante can get a memorable send-off before he leaves for Florida and gets married. The call is the step that makes the joke concrete.

Why is the cellphone's emergency rule suddenly ignored?

The phone is supposedly for calling the speaker's parents only 'in case of an emergency.' The booking is then declared 'an emergency,' which lets the call go ahead.

Why does someone add 'In a non-gay way'?

After the question 'You love Mr. Dante, don't you?', the reply clarifies that the affection is friendly rather than romantic or sexual.

What makes the ad copy a double entendre?

The ad says Kelly is 'taking it on the road'; the next line adds 'Taking it in the ass, that is,' turning a tour announcement into a crude sexual pun.

Why is 'At its finest, I hope' a joke here?

It answers 'That's bestiality, Randal' by wishing the act were bestiality at its highest standard—a deadpan joke, not a literal compliment.

Clerks II · 17 chapters

All chapters →
Up next · Chapter 8piece togetherRandal Grills Elias About Sex
Chapter 1take issue withCoworkers Argue Over Wheelchair BloggerChapter 2hit the jackpotDante and Emma Argue Over a HouseChapter 3more than meets the eyeTransformers Argument at Mooby'sChapter 4sow your wild oatsCan't Be Friends With Your BossChapter 5Say what you will aboutTrilogy Showdown at Mooby'sChapter 6give someone the time of dayDante and Becky Debate MarriageWatching · Chapter 7at its finestPlanning a Donkey Show for a Send-OffChapter 8piece togetherRandal Grills Elias About SexChapter 9bet dollars to donutsLance Dowds Visits Mooby'sChapter 10blow off some steamA Slur at the Mooby's CounterChapter 11term of endearmentRandal Defends a SlurChapter 12tie your life to someoneWedding Jitters, But Only About DancingChapter 13You and what army?A Man Confesses He's the FatherChapter 14at its finestGoing-Away Party Turns Into a Stage ActChapter 15smooth things overDante and Randal's Jail BlowupChapter 16take a bullet for someoneFriends Fight Over Moving AwayChapter 17pan outFriends Negotiate the Quick Stop Loan
Chapter 7 of 17 · about 31 min to go