mention the possibility of doing something
My parents have never really spoken of the possibility of my falling in love or getting married or having children.before-sunrise-1995 · 1995 — Chapter 3 of 20 · 4'00" · B2
Two Passengers Talk Childhood and Death, Explained: passive-aggressive
On a train, two passengers trade childhood stories. Someone describes parents who recast every dream as a career; a memory surfaces of seeing a grandmother in the mist through a garden-hose rainbow. Then the admission, "I think I'm afraid of death 24 hours a day." Small talk, but each story explains how they became who they are.
What happens
On a train heading into Vienna, two passengers pass the time talking about childhood. Someone describes parents who never talked about love, marriage or children as possibilities, and who redirected every ambition—writer, animal rescuer, actress—into a practical job. A story follows about being three, spraying a hose into the sun, and seeing a grandmother standing in the mist.
Listen for
fancifulbullshit detectordead set oncomes along with
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Phrase of the scene
passive-aggressive
indirectly hostile instead of openly angry
Someone describes parents who never openly disagree but are passive-aggressive, which makes complaining feel unreasonable.
Leaving a note instead of saying it to my face was a passive-aggressive move.
Also in this scene
- fanciful
imaginative rather than practical
- bullshit detector
a knack for spotting nonsense
- dead set on
completely determined to
- comes along with
to happen together with something
- big rap
a long lecture
Everything marked in this scene
27 notes across 59 lines
begin to love someone
My parents have never really spoken of the possibility of my falling in love or getting married or having children.possessive gerund phrase: The possessive my plus -ing turns 'I fall in love' into a single noun phrase.
My parents have never really spoken of the possibility of my falling in love or getting married or having children.Keep of my light and quick; don't give both words equal weight.
My parents have never really spoken of the possibility of my falling in love or getting married or having children.or something similar
they wanted me to think as a future career as a, you know, interior designer or lawyer or something like that.the act of changing one thing into another
It was this constant conversion of my fanciful ambition into these practical, moneymaking ventures.a knack for spotting nonsense — Use it with friends; avoid it in formal settings.
I always had a pretty good bullshit detector when I was a kid.do the reverse
By the time I was in high school, I was dead set on listening to what everybody thought I should be doing with my life and just kinda... doing the opposite.complain with a sense of justification officially here means with proper justification, not by an official body
it makes it even harder to officially complain.stuff, nonsense — Venting among friends only; not for formal talk.
It's this passive-aggressive shit. You know what I mean? It's...in a manner that produces a result
and my sister had just taught me how to take the garden hose and do it in such a way that, uh, it sprayed into the sun and it would make a rainbow.release one's hold on something
her, and then finally I-I let go of the nozzle.make someone sit for a serious talk not just sitting down, but being made to listen to a serious lecture
And they, uh, sit me down and give me this big rap on how, when people die, you never see them again and how I'd imagined it.embedded how-clause: The how-clause is the content of the lecture; the when-clause sets its condition.
And they, uh, sit me down and give me this big rap on how, when people die, you never see them again and how I'd imagined it.a long lecture — Casual for a long telling-off; not for elders.
And they, uh, sit me down and give me this big rap on how, when people die, you never see them again and how I'd imagined it.something of that kind
I was just glad that I saw it. I've never seen anything like that since.take a particular stance toward something
You're really lucky you can have this attitude toward death.Try the rhythm of could've first, then listen for how much of have survives.
That's why I'm in a train right now. I could have flown to Paris, but I'm too scared.cannot control it
Someone admits being terrified of flying, and when the other tries to reason with them, they can only repeat can't help it.
- Oh, come on. - I can't help it. I can't help it.the statistics indicate
I know the statistics say "na na na," it's safer. Whatever.Put the beat on safer; keep it's light and let whatever land flat.
I know the statistics say "na na na," it's safer. Whatever.whatever, I don't care — Dismissive and casual; avoid in formal settings.
I know the statistics say "na na na," it's safer. Whatever.cannot stop thinking about something
I can't stop thinking that way.what a nuisance — Casual complaint among friends; keep it out of formal talk.
- You get off here, no? - Yeah. What a drag.wish past perfect: The past perfect after wish marks an unreal regret about a past meeting.
I wish I had met you earlier. I really like talking to you.Link met and you in one motion; avoid a hard stop after met.
I wish I had met you earlier. I really like talking to you.it was good to talk with you
Yeah, me too. (laughs) It was really nice talking to you.Two Passengers Talk Childhood and Death, explained
What's really going on
The scene looks like two passengers swapping childhood anecdotes, but each story is about learning to trust your own read on the world. One line is blunt: "I always had a pretty good bullshit detector when I was a kid." The complaint is not that the parents were cruel—"Nobody was ever mean about it"—but that support can still flatten a child's desires into employable shapes. The hose-and-rainbow story works from the other side: a child sees something the adults insist was imagined, and "I knew what I'd seen." By the time the talk reaches death, the difference is plain: one line calls the memory evidence that everything is ambiguous, even death, and another admits, "I think I'm afraid of death 24 hours a day."
Theme
Family conflictParents never fight the child directly; they simply convert a child's wishes into sensible jobs, which is harder to argue with.
Death & griefA childhood memory of seeing a dead relative, and a running fear of death, leave the question of death unresolved.
Listen for
- of my — Keep of my light and quick; don't give both words equal weight.
- could have — Try the rhythm of could've first, then listen for how much of have survives.
- it's safer — Put the beat on safer; keep it's light and let whatever land flat.
- met you — Link met and you in one motion; avoid a hard stop after met.
My parents have never really spoken of the possibility of my falling in love or getting married or having children.The speaker says their parents never talked about love, marriage or children as possibilities for them.
I always had a pretty good bullshit detector when I was a kid.The speaker says they could tell when adults were lying to them.
It's just I could never get very excited about other people's ambitions for my life.Other people's plans for the speaker's future never felt exciting, because they were not the speaker's own.
I think I'm afraid of death 24 hours a day.Fear of dying isn't an occasional thought here; it stays present all day, every day.
I wish I had met you earlier. I really like talking to you.The speaker wishes they had met the other person sooner and says they really enjoyed talking.
Questions about this scene
Why was it hard for the speaker to complain about their parents?
The speaker says the parents were basically nice and supportive, and never fully contradicted them about anything. Because there was nothing openly cruel to point to, it became even harder to officially complain, even when the parents were wrong.
What did the adults say after the child described seeing the grandmother?
The parents sit the speaker down for a long talk: when people die, you never see them again, and what the speaker saw was imagined. The speaker answers, "But I knew what I'd seen."
What runs through the speaker's mind on a plane?
The speaker says that in a plane they can see the explosion, see themselves falling through the clouds, and dread the few seconds of consciousness before death, when you know for sure you are going to die.
What does the speaker say about other people's ambitions for their life?
The speaker says they could never get very excited about other people's ambitions for their life. They also say nobody was ever mean about it.
before-sunrise-1995 · 20 chapters
All chapters →
Up next · Chapter 4a bad liarTwo Travelers Claim a Honeymoon
Chapter 1weeks on endStrangers Trade Stories on a Train
Chapter 2the poetry of day-to-day lifePitching a Year-Long TV Show
Watching · Chapter 3passive-aggressiveTwo Passengers Talk Childhood and Death
Chapter 4a bad liarTwo Travelers Claim a Honeymoon
Chapter 5scare the hell out of someoneTwo People Play a Q&A Game
Chapter 6piss someone offStrangers Trade Pet Peeves on a Train
Chapter 7romantic projectionsTwo People Talk About Parents and Love
Chapter 8resign yourself toPalm Reading in Vienna
Chapter 9dress rehearsalChurch Talk on Death and Quakers
Chapter 10blank canvasWhat Would Drive You Mad
Chapter 11make a deal withPoet Writes a Poem for a Word
Chapter 12a real prizewinnerAsking About an Ex-Boyfriend
Chapter 13let it sink inA Man Recounts His Madrid Heartbreak
Chapter 14fool aroundTwo People Debate Men, Women and Monkeys
Chapter 15fear of commitmentBirth Dance Talk Turns to Love
Chapter 16fall for someoneThe Fake Phone Call in Vienna
Chapter 17be a ghostMan Pretends to Call a Friend
Chapter 18fizzle outTwo People Agree to One Night Only
Chapter 19sleep togetherThey Agree Not to Sleep Together
Chapter 20have a great lifeTwo Lovers Say Goodbye at Track NineChapter 3 of 20 · about 49 min to go