what about you
So how about you?Before Sunrise · 1995 — Chapter 13 of 20 · 2'41" · B2
A Man Recounts His Madrid Heartbreak, Explained: let it sink in
On the surface it's two travelers trading questions about love. Underneath, one of them calls love an escape for people who can't be alone, then admits he flew to Madrid for a girlfriend who wished he hadn't come: "I stuck around for a while just to kinda let it really sink in."
What happens
Two travelers are talking. One asks whether the other is seeing anyone. Instead of answering directly, the other calls love an escape for two people who don't know how to be alone, then admits the Madrid story: saving all spring to spend a summer there with a girlfriend who had become an ex, only to find she wished he had not come.
Listen for
avoid being alone withlet it sink insave upsound like
00:00 / 02:41Space play · ← → lines · R repeat
Now
Phrase of the scene
let it sink in
take in the full weight of something
The speaker says they stayed in Madrid a while longer so that the fact she wished they had not come could sink in.
Give me a day to let it sink in.
Also in this scene
- avoid being alone with
keep from being alone with someone
- save up
put money aside bit by bit for something
- sound like
seem, from what you say or how you say it
- how little
just how small an amount is; often stressing how little someone cares
- shift my obsession
move one's fixation onto something else
Everything marked in this scene
27 notes across 40 lines
Let 'how about you' run together; keep the t in about light and slide into you.
So how about you?be romantically involved Here it asks whether someone is romantically attached, not whether anyone is nearby.
- What? - Are you with anyone?keep off a topic
Um — It's funny how we managed to avoid this subject for so long.how to spend time alone
Well, I kind of see love as this escape for two people who don't know how to be alone, you know?relative clause: The who-clause defines which two people: those who cannot be alone.
Well, I kind of see love as this escape for two people who don't know how to be alone, you know?discuss the way that
People always talk about how love is this totally unselfish, giving thing.embedded clause: The how-clause is what people talk about, not a question.
People always talk about how love is this totally unselfish, giving thing.when you consider it
But if you think about it, there's nothing more selfish.nothing is more selfish
But if you think about it, there's nothing more selfish.end a relationship with someone
So, who just broke up with you?seem, from what you say or how you say it
The reply uses 'sound like' to say the speaker seems to have just been hurt.
You sound like you've just been hurt or something.In fast speech, 'like you've' bundles together; keep you've short and unstressed.
You sound like you've just been hurt or something.spend time idly Here it means spending time idly, not hanging something outside.
I didn't come to Europe just to hang out and read Hemingway in Paris and shit like that, you know.stuff like that (vulgar) — Fine among friends when griping; avoid it in formal or unfamiliar settings.
I didn't come to Europe just to hang out and read Hemingway in Paris and shit like that, you know.pass the summer with someone
fly to Madrid and spend the summer with my girlfriend who has been — - Your girlfriend? - My ex-girlfriend.finally
and we were reunited at long last, and we went out to dinner our first night with six of her friends — Pedro, Antonio,succeed in avoiding
She pretty much managed to avoid being alone with me for the first couple of days,stay in a place It means stayed nearby, not physically stuck.
and I stuck around for a while just to kinda let it really sink in that she wished I hadn't come.Let 'let it' link across the vowel; the t can feel like a quick tap.
and I stuck around for a while just to kinda let it really sink in that she wished I hadn't come.kind of; somewhat — Softens a claim in speech; keep it out of formal writing.
and I stuck around for a while just to kinda let it really sink in that she wished I hadn't come.the worst part of
You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you?object clause: The first that introduces what you realize; the second points back to the fact, with how little adding the degree.
with and you realize that that is how little they're thinking about you.suffering deeply
You'd like to think that you're both in all this pain, but really, they'retherapist (informal) — Casual for a therapist; use 'therapist' in formal contexts.
That's what the shrink told me, you know?focus on bright colors
I was paying her 900 francs an hour to hear that I was a homicidal maniac, but I could perhaps shift my obsession if I would concentrate on bright colors.move one's fixation onto something else
The speaker retells therapy advice: concentrating on bright colors might shift the obsession elsewhere.
I was paying her 900 francs an hour to hear that I was a homicidal maniac, but I could perhaps shift my obsession if I would concentrate on bright colors.A Man Recounts His Madrid Heartbreak, explained
What's really going on
The question sounds casual — "Are you with anyone?" — but the answer starts with a theory, not a name. He calls love an escape for two people who don't know how to be alone, and adds that "there's nothing more selfish." Only after the other person says he sounds hurt does the Madrid story come out. "and I stuck around for a while just to kinda let it really sink in that she wished I hadn't come," he says, and the detail stays blunt rather than self-pitying. The other person mostly listens, laughs at the therapy anecdote, and answers his joke with "You're cured then."
Theme
HeartbreakA man describes being unwanted in Madrid and turns the memory into a theory about love.
LonelinessHe calls love an escape for two people who don't know how to be alone.
Listen for
- how about you — Let 'how about you' run together; keep the t in about light and slide into you.
- like you've — In fast speech, 'like you've' bundles together; keep you've short and unstressed.
- let it — Let 'let it' link across the vowel; the t can feel like a quick tap.
Well, I kind of see love as this escape for two people who don't know how to be alone, you know?He describes love as a refuge people choose because they cannot face being by themselves, not as something noble.
But if you think about it, there's nothing more selfish.He argues that what looks like generosity in love is really two people using each other to avoid loneliness.
and I stuck around for a while just to kinda let it really sink in that she wished I hadn't come.He says he stayed in Madrid a while just so the rejection could sink in.
You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you?He sets up his point that the pain comes from remembering how little you once cared about the person you left.
I was paying her 900 francs an hour to hear that I was a homicidal maniac, but I could perhaps shift my obsession if I would concentrate on bright colors.The line mocks expensive therapy: the advice given was to look at bright colors and shift the obsession elsewhere.
Questions about this scene
Why did he fly to Madrid?
He says he saved money all spring to spend the summer there with a girlfriend, correcting himself to "ex-girlfriend", who had been in an art history program.
Why did he stay in Madrid for a while?
He says he stuck around for a while just to kinda let it really sink in that she wished he hadn't come.
What is the worst part of being broken up with, according to him?
He says it is remembering how little he thought about the people he broke up with, then realizing that is how little they now think of him.
Why does he describe love as selfish?
He argues that people call love unselfish, but it is really two people who don't know how to be alone using each other as an escape.
Why do bright colors come up?
One line says he was told to look at bright colors. He retells what the shrink said: he paid 900 francs an hour to hear he was a homicidal maniac, but concentrating on bright colors might shift his obsession.
Before Sunrise · 20 chapters
All chapters →
Up next · Chapter 14fool aroundTwo People Debate Men, Women and Monkeys
Chapter 1weeks on endStrangers Trade Stories on a Train
Chapter 2the poetry of day-to-day lifePitching a Year-Long TV Show
Chapter 3passive-aggressiveTwo Passengers Talk Childhood and Death
Chapter 4a bad liarTwo Travelers Claim a Honeymoon
Chapter 5scare the hell out of someoneTwo People Play a Q&A Game
Chapter 6piss someone offStrangers Trade Pet Peeves on a Train
Chapter 7romantic projectionsTwo People Talk About Parents and Love
Chapter 8resign yourself toPalm Reading in Vienna
Chapter 9dress rehearsalChurch Talk on Death and Quakers
Chapter 10blank canvasWhat Would Drive You Mad
Chapter 11make a deal withPoet Writes a Poem for a Word
Chapter 12a real prizewinnerAsking About an Ex-Boyfriend
Watching · Chapter 13let it sink inA Man Recounts His Madrid Heartbreak
Chapter 14fool aroundTwo People Debate Men, Women and Monkeys
Chapter 15fear of commitmentBirth Dance Talk Turns to Love
Chapter 16fall for someoneThe Fake Phone Call in Vienna
Chapter 17be a ghostMan Pretends to Call a Friend
Chapter 18fizzle outTwo People Agree to One Night Only
Chapter 19sleep togetherThey Agree Not to Sleep Together
Chapter 20have a great lifeTwo Lovers Say Goodbye at Track NineChapter 13 of 20 · about 19 min to go