costs a small amount of money
Everything that's interesting costs a little bit of money.Before Sunrise · 1995 — Chapter 15 of 20 · 3'44" · B2
Birth Dance Talk Turns to Love, Explained: fear of commitment
A joke about a birth dance slides into a long talk about love, independence, and ambition. One voice admits the pressure of seeming like "a strong and independent icon of womanhood," then asks, "isn't everything we dream in life a way to be loved a little more?" The teasing keeps the honesty from getting too heavy.
What happens
Two people are talking, though the setting is never named. One asks whether to give someone some money, and the talk moves from a birth dance custom to a joke about mating insects, then to love, ambition, and the effort to understand another person.
Listen for
revolve aroundbe a way tosomethin' to thatexcelled in some way
00:00 / 03:44Space play · ← → lines · R repeat
Now
Phrase of the scene
fear of commitment
fear of committing to a long-term relationship
Someone rejects the easy label of fear of commitment and points instead to wanting to excel at something.
She says it's not fear of commitment; she just doesn't want to rush.
Also in this scene
- revolve around
have someone or something as the center of your life
- be a way to
be a method or route for doing something
- somethin' to that
there's some truth to it
- excelled in some way
had been exceptionally good at something
- if I'm totally honest with myself
if I admit the truth to myself
Everything marked in this scene
27 notes across 52 lines
have a baby
No, but really, women used it when giving birth.somewhere in the world
In some part of the world, they still do it.urge the woman giving birth to dance
and the women of her tribe surround her and dance, and they encourage the birthing woman to dance with them - so as to make the birth less painful. - Yeah?in order to make
and the women of her tribe surround her and dance, and they encourage the birthing woman to dance with them - so as to make the birth less painful. - Yeah?dance as a celebration
And when the baby's born, they all dance in celebration.take part in
I like the idea of dancing as a common function in life, something everybody participates in.shake something off
They're trying to shake off their genitals and become angels."and things like that — Casual list-ending phrase; keep it out of formal speech.
- I like that. - All right, one question. Back there — When the women are dancing and being all spiritual and stuff, right?away gathering food
Where are the men? Are we out food gathering?you all — Southern US casual address; avoid it in formal writing.
Are we not invited? Y'all don't need us? What?bite someone's head off Literal here, with a faint echo of the idiom for snapping at someone.
Men are lucky we don't bite off their head after mating.there's some truth to it
Someone names the joke, then admits that somethin' to that remark carries a little truth.
See, you're officially kidding, but there's somethin' to that.centered on some man Not physical turning; it means making a man the center of one's life.
I mean, I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood and not making — making look like my whole life is revolving around some guy.tease or joke about it
Someone says they always make fun of it, then the but turns the talk toward something more serious: dreams may be about being loved more.
I always make fun of it and stuff,a way of being loved
but isn't everything we dream in life a way to be loved a little more?relative clause: The omitted relative clause turns 'everything' into 'everything we dream in life'.
but isn't everything we dream in life a way to be loved a little more?Put the main stress on 'loved' and lift the ending.
but isn't everything we dream in life a way to be loved a little more?fear of committing to a long-term relationship
Someone rejects the easy label of fear of commitment and points instead to wanting to excel at something.
And it's not just a — a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving, because... I can.unable to care or love
And it's not just a — a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving, because... I can.Keep 'of' very light; stress 'fear' and 'commitment'.
And it's not just a — a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving, because... I can.would rather: It means 'I would prefer to die with the knowledge that...'.
I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something,spent his whole life thinking about
But... I had worked for this older man, and once he told me that he had spent all of his life thinking about his career and his work.it suddenly occurred to him
And... he was 52, and it suddenly struck him...in the effort to understand someone
If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something.conditional clause: The if-clause sets up a hypothesis, and the main clause locates the answer inside it.
If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something.Let 'attempt of' run together and keep the stress on understanding.
If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something.Birth Dance Talk Turns to Love, explained
What's really going on
Under the joking, the talk circles a riskier question: whether needing love makes someone less independent. One line names the pressure directly — "I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood" — then admits, "loving someone, and being loved, means so much to me." A later stretch pushes the other way: better to die knowing you were really good at something than to have only had a nice, caring relationship. The talk does not settle the argument. It moves the question outward instead: if there is any magic, it is "in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something." The last line leaves the answer in the trying.
Theme
RomanceTwo people test whether wanting love and wanting to excel can coexist, and the talk refuses to settle it.
PhilosophyIt places meaning in the attempt to understand someone rather than in success.
Listen for
- a way to be loved — Put the main stress on 'loved' and lift the ending.
- fear of commitment — Keep 'of' very light; stress 'fear' and 'commitment'.
- attempt of understanding — Let 'attempt of' run together and keep the stress on understanding.
Everything that's interesting costs a little bit of money.It follows a question about whether to give her some money: worthwhile things cost something, and the cost is not a reason to skip them.
but isn't everything we dream in life a way to be loved a little more?It recasts dreams and ambition as a roundabout bid for affection: what we chase may be a way to be loved a little more.
His life was for no one and nothing.About an older man who spent his life on work and realized he had never really given himself to anyone.
If there's any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something.The magic is not in a person but in the effort to reach another: trying to understand and share something is what counts.
The answer must be in the attempt.Since success is nearly impossible, the trying itself is where the answer lies.
Questions about this scene
What is the birth dance supposed to do?
The women of the tribe surround a woman in labor, dance with her, and encourage her to join "so as to make the birth less painful." After the baby is born, they dance in celebration.
Why does one line say men are lucky?
It is a joke about mating. One line says men are lucky "we don't bite off their head after mating," and another notes that certain insects, like spiders, actually do. The follow-up "We at least let you live" keeps it a tease, not a threat.
Does the talk come down on one side about love and achievement?
No. One line says "loving someone, and being loved, means so much to me," while another says it would rather die knowing it was really good at something than have only been in a nice, caring relationship. Both stand without a verdict.
Why does the joking stop for a moment?
One line says "Talking seriously here," then moves to the pressure of being "a strong and independent icon of womanhood" and not wanting life to look like it revolves around some guy.
Before Sunrise · 20 chapters
All chapters →
Up next · Chapter 16fall for someoneThe Fake Phone Call in Vienna
Chapter 1weeks on endStrangers Trade Stories on a Train
Chapter 2the poetry of day-to-day lifePitching a Year-Long TV Show
Chapter 3passive-aggressiveTwo Passengers Talk Childhood and Death
Chapter 4a bad liarTwo Travelers Claim a Honeymoon
Chapter 5scare the hell out of someoneTwo People Play a Q&A Game
Chapter 6piss someone offStrangers Trade Pet Peeves on a Train
Chapter 7romantic projectionsTwo People Talk About Parents and Love
Chapter 8resign yourself toPalm Reading in Vienna
Chapter 9dress rehearsalChurch Talk on Death and Quakers
Chapter 10blank canvasWhat Would Drive You Mad
Chapter 11make a deal withPoet Writes a Poem for a Word
Chapter 12a real prizewinnerAsking About an Ex-Boyfriend
Chapter 13let it sink inA Man Recounts His Madrid Heartbreak
Chapter 14fool aroundTwo People Debate Men, Women and Monkeys
Watching · Chapter 15fear of commitmentBirth Dance Talk Turns to Love
Chapter 16fall for someoneThe Fake Phone Call in Vienna
Chapter 17be a ghostMan Pretends to Call a Friend
Chapter 18fizzle outTwo People Agree to One Night Only
Chapter 19sleep togetherThey Agree Not to Sleep Together
Chapter 20have a great lifeTwo Lovers Say Goodbye at Track NineChapter 15 of 20 · about 12 min to go