这场戏：说出父母离世那一夜
第 12 章 · 共 15 章 · 4'58"
亚当终于向哈里讲起父母出事那一夜：他睡在父母床上，was meant to（本来要）跟他们一起去。他说那种孤独长大后就凝固了，又跟别的事 tangled up with（纠缠在一起）。想学怎么说清最难的往事，这段很值得看。
❝ 独白 · 39 句 was meant to 是「本来要去、本该」：I was meant to go with them
was meant to 本来要去、本该came to the door 上门来到门口right away 立刻、马上
亚当向哈里讲起父母去世的经过。出事那晚他睡在父母的床上，was meant to（本该）跟他们一起去沃尔什家的圣诞酒会；半夜警察上门，告诉他车在薄冰上打滑，爸爸当场走了，妈妈几天后也走了。外婆觉得让他见最后一面 too scarring（会留下太大阴影），所以他没能道别。多年后，那种孤独跟关于自己身份的一切 tangled up with（纠缠在一起），让他觉得未来不重要。哈里说 I can't even begin to imagine how you felt（我根本无法想象你当时的感受），也懂 stop caring about yourself（不再照顾自己）有多容易。想学怎么讲创伤、怎么好好接住它，这段很值得看。
A1–C2 是欧标等级。点一个等级后，比它高的卡片会变淡，播放到那里不会自动暂停。
“I was meant to go with them.”
那晚我本该跟他们一起去的。
一句最平静的话，说尽一生的幸存者自责。
be meant to do something
说本来该做却错过的事时用，对熟人倾诉合适，正式书面里少用。
I was supposed to go with them ／ I should have gone with them
中性
was meant to 连读，go 重读，句尾下沉。
We were meant to meet at six, but I lost track of time. 我们本来约了六点见，结果我忘了时间。
“I can't even begin to imagine how you felt.”
我完全无法想象你当时是什么感受。
承认自己无法感同身受，比一句我懂更真诚。
can't even begin to imagine something
安慰刚经历难事的人时用，语气要真诚，别用来轻描淡写。
I can't imagine what you went through ／ I can't begin to understand how you felt
中性
can't even begin 连成一串，imagine 稍拖长。
I can't even begin to imagine how hard this week has been. 我完全无法想象你这周过得有多难。
“I know how easy it can be to stop caring about yourself.”
我知道人有多容易就不再照顾自己。
用一句体谅说出长期低落里最隐秘的变化。
it can be easy to do something
对人表达体谅时用，适合亲近关系，别用来教训对方。
It is easy to stop looking after yourself ／ It can be hard to care about yourself
中性
how easy 连读，yourself 重读收尾。
It can be easy to stop caring about yourself when work gets busy. 工作一忙起来，人很容易就不再照顾自己。
“I was sleeping in their bed the night they went out.”
他们出门那天晚上，我睡在他们床上。
一句平常的交代，把「我本来也该在车上」的幸存者愧疚压到最轻也最重。
I was doing something the night they went out
讲一段往事、说明自己当时在做什么时用；对刚经历事故的人要慎重，别像追问细节。
I was asleep in their bed when they left. ／ That night I was sleeping in their room.
中性
sleeping in 连读，the night they 轻快带过。
I was studying in the kitchen the night the storm hit. 暴风雨那晚，我正在厨房看书。
I was sleeping in their bed the night they went out. I was meant to go with them. To Christmas drinks at the Walsh's. Around midnight, um... Two police came to the door. A man and a woman. He had really beautiful, kind eyes, and this thick, dark stubble. Looked like it had been drawn on. The car skidded on black ice. (SIGHS) Both of them had been drinking. Dad was killed right away, but they took Mum to, uh, Saint Mary's in Croydon, and she died a few days later. Did you get to see her? What'd you mean? To say goodbye? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. No. My granny thought it would be too scarring. Jesus. I went looking for that eye. I don't know why. Didn't want anyone else to find it. Thought it would be on the side of the road. Staring up at me. "Hi." (CHUCKLES) In my head, it had blood on it, but maybe that's not true. The nurse said that Mum woke up just before she died. She must've been so confused. Can't hardly see and... Dad wasn't there, I wasn't there. I can't even begin to imagine how you felt. How lonely you must've been. Yeah, but, like, I'd always felt lonely, even before. This was a new feeling. Like... a terror, that I'd always be alone now. And then, as I got older, that feeling just, just solidified. Just a... Just a knot here all the time. And then losing them, it just got tangled up with all the other stuff, about being gay, and just feeling, like, the future doesn't matter.
他们出门那晚，我睡在他们床上。 本来该跟他们一起去的。 去沃尔什家的圣诞酒会。 大概半夜，呃…… 两个警察上门，一男一女。 他的眼睛很好看、很温和，还有浓黑的胡茬。 像画上去的一样。 车在薄冰上打滑。（叹气） 他们俩都喝了酒。 爸爸当场就走了，妈妈被送到克罗伊登的圣玛丽医院，几天后也走了。 你见到她了吗？ 什么意思？去道别吗？ 嗯，对。 没见到。 我外婆觉得那会留下太大阴影。 天哪。 我去找过那只眼睛。 我也不知道为什么。不想让别人找到。 我以为它会掉在路边。 盯着我看，说「嗨」。（笑） 在我记忆里上面有血，也许并不是真的。 护士说妈妈临终前醒过一次。 她一定很茫然。几乎看不见，还…… 爸爸不在，我也不在。 我根本无法想象你当时的感受。 你该有多孤独。 是啊，可我在那之前就一直觉得孤独。 那是一种新的感觉。 像…… 一种恐惧， 从现在起我将永远孤独。 后来我长大，那种感觉就， 慢慢凝固了。 就像…… 就像这里一直有个结。 失去他们之后，又跟别的所有事缠在一起， 关于自己是同性恋， 还有那种感觉， 觉得未来根本不重要。
下一章 · 13get on with his life继续过自己的日子这场戏：老宅外不愿离开意思是「本该、本来要去」，用来说计划好却没发生的事，常带遗憾。戏里亚当说自己本该和父母一起去那场酒会。
说 tangled up with，原指线缠成一团，引申为情绪、事情搅在一起分不开。戏里说丧亲之痛和身份困惑缠在一起。
来自 scar（伤疤），指「留下心理创伤」。戏里外婆觉得让孩子见母亲最后一面 too scarring，怕他受刺激。
常和 can't even 连用：I can't even begin to imagine...，意思是「我完全没法想象」。用来表达对别人处境的体谅。
意思是「不再照顾自己、开始不在乎自己」，常和抑郁、丧失感有关。戏里哈里用它表示理解亚当的麻木。
