the salt of the Earth厚道的大好人

I started working when I was 11. By 25, I could feel the end of my career coming. I thought, "What happens now?" "What will be my life?" I was terrified. And so I made an error of youth. Some of the girls were lucky. They had fallen in love, but not me. Not once. Even though I had been all over the world and I had met everyone. That spring, I was introduced to Valery. He was then just as he is now. Solid. Substantial. And good. "The salt of the Earth," as Americans like to say. I felt a great affection for him. A great respect. That is a kind of love. I thought it was the only kind I would ever know. I didn't believe enough. I didn't believe in love. 8 years later I discovered that I should have. It has stunned me, this new happiness which came out of nowhere. This secret door that has opened in me. I have never felt so alive... as when I am in your arms. It is tempting, so tempting to forget about everything and just accept this gift. But I cannot. And not because I don't believe that you would be a marvelous stepfather to Marc and Elodie. And a wonderful father to the children we might have had together. Not because of lifestyle or the difference in our ages or the opinions of others. When Valery and I married, we wrote our own vows. He has always kept his promise and I feel I must keep mine. But it's more than a matter of honor. One day, Brian, when you have children you'll understand that to leave them is to leave yourself. And to injure them, unthinkable. I told you, I'm an old-fashioned girl. Please do not try to contact me. It will not change anything. I am so sad to say goodbye. To be parted. I can't believe it, really. We had so many adventures still ahead of us. Maybe... if we had had more time I would have found something about you I didn't like, really couldn't stand which would be very useful right now. But I doubt it. They say that no love is perfect. But then, they never met you.

我11岁就开始工作了。 到25岁，我已经能感觉到职业生涯快到头了。 我想，“接下来会怎样？” “我的人生会是什么样？” 我吓坏了。 于是我犯了个年轻人常犯的错。 有些姑娘是幸运的。 她们遇上了爱情，可我没有。一次都没有。 尽管我走遍了世界，见过形形色色的人。 那年春天，有人把瓦莱丽介绍给了我。 他那时和现在一个样。 踏实。可靠。而且善良。 就像美国人爱说的，是“人间的盐”——最厚道的那种人。 我对他怀着很深的感情。 很深的敬重。 那也是一种爱。 我以为那会是我这辈子唯一懂得的一种爱。 我的信念不够。 我不相信爱情。 八年后我才发现，我本该相信的。 这份凭空降临的新幸福，让我恍然。 像心里开了一扇隐秘的门。 我从未如此鲜活…… 像在你怀里时那样。 真想把一切抛在脑后，就这么接受这份礼物，太诱人了。 但我做不到。 并不是因为我不信你会成为马克和艾洛蒂极好的继父。 也不是不信，你会是个好父亲——给我们本可以生下的孩子。 不是因为生活方式、年龄差距，或者别人的闲话。 瓦莱丽和我结婚时，我们写了自己的誓词。 他一直信守承诺，我觉得我也必须守我的。 但这不只是信义的问题。 布莱恩，总有一天你有了孩子就会明白，抛下他们，就等于抛下你自己。 而伤害他们，想都不敢想。 我跟你说过，我是个老派的女人。 请不要再来找我。 一切都不会改变。 说再见，我难过极了。 要分开。 我还是难以相信。 我们前头本来还有那么多冒险。 也许……要是时间再多一点，我会在你身上找到些我不喜欢、实在受不了的地方，那现在可就管用了。 但我看未必。 人们说没有哪份爱是完美的。 可他们没遇见过你。