“It means that I was in love with Geoff Hammond.”
Why it's great
The plainest possible sentence delivers the reveal that undoes the whole defence.
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literary
Use it yourself
It means I was in love with someone else back then.
00:00 / 02:38
00:00 / 02:38
Leslie Confesses Loving Hammond, Explained
The Letter · 1940
Chapter 14 of 15 · 2'38"
Leslie isn't confessing guilt so much as a life she kept hidden. “It means that I was in love with Geoff Hammond,” she tells her husband, then admits the affair ran for years and that even her agony felt like joy. The killing is already done; what breaks here is the marriage.
Key moments
Start here, then watch the full scene- 0:10–0:46
❝ Monologue · 7 lines Leslie's Confession: “I Was in Love with Him”
36s - 1:57–2:26
❝ Monologue · 6 lines The night of the shooting
The flat, repeated gunshots make the violence feel mechanical and therefore unbearable.
29s
Leslie Confesses Loving Hammond, explained
What happens
After being acquitted, Leslie Crosbie finally tells her husband Robert the truth about Geoffrey Hammond. She describes years of secret meetings, her jealousy when he turned to another woman, and the night she shot him on the veranda of their Singapore plantation. What follows is less a defense than an unburdening.
What's really going on
The scene turns the trial's verdict inside out. Leslie was acquitted for killing a man she claimed attacked her, but “I was in love with Geoff Hammond” recasts everything: the shooting was jealousy, not self-defense. Her confession is also an accusation — she says she “hated him because he'd made me despise myself,” and that “even my agony was a kind of joy.” She isn't asking forgiveness; “There's no excuse for me” is closer to a verdict on herself. The real tension is between a woman just found innocent and a marriage just found false. Robert can only answer, “I don't believe it.”
Key lines & what they mean
- “It means that I was in love with Geoff Hammond.”
- The plain admission behind all the lies: the man she shot was not an attacker but her lover.
- “I was like a person who is sick with some loathsome disease and doesn't want to get well.”
- She compares the affair to an illness she knew was ruining her yet refused to give up.
- “Even my agony was a kind of joy.”
- The pain of the relationship was itself proof she was still in love with him.
- “I hated him because he'd made me despise myself.”
- Her rage at Hammond is really shame at what the affair turned her into.
- “There's no excuse for me.”
- She offers no justification for the killing, only a refusal to excuse it.
Theme
- Betrayal — Leslie's secret affair and the truth she finally admits to the husband who believed her.
- Guilt — She confesses not to be forgiven but because she can no longer live with what she did.
What this chapter teaches
Teaching points
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A1–C2 is the CEFR scale. Cards above the level you pick fade, and playback will not auto-pause on them.
Language points
Click a card to jump to its moment in the videoGolden lines
A great line in its own right — why and how to use it“I was like a person who is sick with some loathsome disease and doesn't want to get well.”
Why it's great
The metaphor of an illness she refuses to cure captures a love she knows is destroying her.
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literary
Use it yourself
I was like a person who knows the habit is poison and keeps at it.
“Even my agony was a kind of joy.”
Why it's great
It holds pain and pleasure in one breath, which is exactly the trap she describes.
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literary
Use it yourself
Even my exhaustion was a kind of happiness.
“I hated him because he'd made me despise myself.”
Why it's great
It locates the hatred in her own lost self-respect, not in anything he did to her body.
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Neutral
Use it yourself
I hated him because he had made me doubt myself.
“There's no excuse for me.”
Why it's great
She refuses every defence in five words, which makes the confession complete.
Register
Formal
Use it yourself
There's no excuse for what I said to you.
Monologue
One character carrying the scene — shadow the whole passage❝ A confession of secret love
We used to meet each other constantly once or twice a week. Not a soul had the smallest suspicion. Every time I met him, I hated myself, and yet I lived for the moment when I'd see him again. It was horrible. There was never an hour when I was at peace, when I wasn't reproaching myself. I was like a person who is sick with some loathsome disease and doesn't want to get well. Even my agony was a kind of joy.
She moves from secrecy to self-disgust in calm, mounting sentences that chill the listener.
❝ The night of the shooting
Then he got up to go, and I knew if he left, I'd never see him again, so I seized the revolver and fired, heard a cry, and I knew I'd hit him. He staggered toward the veranda, and I ran after him and fired and fired and fired. There's no excuse for me. I don't deserve to live.
The flat, repeated gunshots make the violence feel mechanical and therefore unbearable.
Up next · 15good sportThe scene: Leslie's Party After the TrialTakeaways
What you walk away with- The confession turns the trial's whole story upside down.
- She calls her love an illness she refuses to cure.
- The calmest lines here describe the worst acts.
People also search
Questions, then the linesWhy does Leslie admit the affair now?
Robert has already read the letter and the lies are exposed. With the trial over, Leslie chooses to tell him the truth rather than keep performing a story he no longer believes.
Was Leslie telling the truth about Hammond attacking her?
No. Her confession makes clear the shooting came out of jealousy and a quarrel, not self-defense, even though the jury accepted her version.
Who does Leslie really love, Robert or Hammond?
She still loves Hammond, even after he rejects her, and admits she cannot give him up. Her devotion to Robert has been a performance through the marriage.
What does “beside myself” mean when Leslie says it?
It means she was completely out of control, overwhelmed by emotion — not literally standing next to herself.
What happens to Leslie after this confession?
She goes out to the veranda, where Hammond's widow is waiting, and is stabbed; Leslie dies shortly afterward.