Chapter 11 of 12 · 3'57"
Labor has started in the tub, with contractions about seven minutes apart, and Dr. Howard is at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco for three days. Everyone is told to stay calm, but an old apology pushes in and is refused. The absence is then sold as something small: "it's just a little hiccough."
❝ Monologue · 6 lines Don't Go There Before the Baby
❝ Monologue · 11 lines The Very Nice Voicemail
Just a Little Hiccough
Someone is in labor in the tub. The call for Dr. Howard brings bad timing: he is at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco for three days, and Ben Stone reaches only voicemail while calling on behalf of Allison. The news is then softened, a drive to the hospital is proposed, and contractions, water, and a bloody show are checked against three baby books.
Stay mellow, someone urges, because a stressful room means the baby is "wired for stress" for life. One person still wants the baby born into "a reconciled place" and starts regretting things already said. The reply shuts the topic: "Don't go there," and asks for help staying relaxed. The real break is Dr. Howard. He is at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco for three days, so he cannot be there tonight. That fact is told twice. The voicemail threatens him over the absence. In the room, the same call is "a very nice message," then "just a little hiccough," with a promise that everything will be fine. The plan is simple: drive to the hospital and phone every gynecologist they have met. Seven minutes between contractions is called still early, the tub explains the unknown water, and "I read three of them, actually" shows someone did prepare.
A1–C2 is the CEFR scale. Cards above the level you pick fade, and playback will not auto-pause on them.
“Just relax, okay? Just be mellow, 'cause that's what this is all about.”
He turns a contraction into a little philosophy, and the confidence is funnier than the science.
Informal
“I shouldn't have told you you were a fucking lunatic.”
The apology repeats the exact insult, so the regret is specific instead of foggy.
Informal
“I'm gonna have to pop a fucking cap in your ass.”
The gangsta threat is so overblown beside a family ceremony that it plays as panic, not a plan.
Informal
“I didn't talk to him directly. I left him a very nice message, though.”
After that voicemail, calling it nice is the joke: the softer he sounds, the worse the message was.
Informal
“We can get through this, and it's just a little hiccough, but everything will be fine. Okay?”
He stacks a promise, a tiny word for a huge gap, then another promise, all in one breath.
Informal
“Yeah. I did. I read three of them, actually.”
The little actually admits the prep he had been hiding inside the calm routine.
Informal
Shh. Just relax, okay? Just be mellow, 'cause that's what this is all about. Because if it gets too stressful in here, then the baby is born into a stressful environment, and then he's wired for stress for the rest of his life. So just... Just be calm.
Hey, Doc Howard. Ben Stone calling. Guess what the fuck's up? Allison's going into labor and you are not fucking here. Now, where are you? You're at a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco, you motherfucking piece of shit! And you know what I'm gonna have to do now? I'm gonna have to kill you. I'm gonna have to pop a fucking cap in your ass. You're dead! You're Tupac! You are fucking Biggie, you piece of shit! I hope you fucking die or drop the fucking chair and kill that fucking kid! Hope your plane crashes. Peace, fucker!
Up next · 12out of the woodsThe scene: Allison's Birth Plan ChangesThe phone answer says he is at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco and will not be back for three days. Someone then repeats it in the room: he will be there for the next three days, so he cannot be there tonight.
No. After a cell number turns up, the call hits his greeting, "I'm not here right now. Please leave a message." The report back is "I didn't talk to him directly."
Contractions are about seven minutes apart. The next line says it is not really coming until four minutes, then asks if the water has broken. The person in the tub does not know. A bloody show is described as arriving only right before the baby, so without it they say there is still time to reach the hospital.
Someone feels bad about things they said and hopes the baby can arrive in a reconciled place. The reply is "I don't wanna go there" and "Don't go there. Okay? Help me stay relaxed." The reason spoken out loud is staying relaxed.
On the machine the caller says Allison is going into labor, the doctor is not there, and threatens to kill him. Back in the room, that same message is described as very nice. The niceness is the cover, not the recording.
