Chapter 3 of 12 · 3'15"
A new boyfriend shows up for breakfast, and someone announces a baby. The kids hold up the rule they know: "Aren't you supposed to be married to have a baby?" One voice hears fetch as treating kids like dogs, another asks for a break, and "Am I gonna be okay" gets "You're asking the wrong guy."
Must You Be Married to Have a Baby?
Playing Fetch with the Kids
❝ Monologue · 6 lines Nobody Here Is Okay
At breakfast someone asks who he is and hears "I'm Ben Stone" and "He's my boyfriend." A baby is announced. The kids ask "Aren't you supposed to be married to have a baby?" and tell a stork story answered with "That's exactly right." Fetch and "bad genes" follow, then "Just give him a break." It ends on bubbles and "You're asking the wrong guy."
The question "Who's he?" becomes a test of why anyone would drive over just for breakfast, then a test of the baby. "Aren't you supposed to be married to have a baby?" states a rule. "You don't have to be" answers it, and the next lines put love, marriage, and a baby back in that order anyway. "That's exactly right" comes right after the stork story, and nothing in the lines corrects it. "He's treating my kids like they're dogs" is the charge, and "He's making an effort" is the only defense before age, weight, and "bad genes." "Just give him a break" and "I'll try" stop the round without deciding it. Bubbles take over. "I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles" gets "Their smiling faces just point out your inability to enjoy anything." "Am I gonna be okay" is met with "I'm not okay" and "You're asking the wrong guy."
A1–C2 is the CEFR scale. Cards above the level you pick fade, and playback will not auto-pause on them.
“Aren't you supposed to be married to have a baby?”
A child turns marriage-before-a-baby into a straight rule, and the question leaves the adults nowhere to hide.
Neutral
“He's treating my kids like they're dogs.”
A noisy game becomes an accusation without any harder vocabulary.
Informal
“I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.”
A child's joy over bubbles becomes the ruler for an adult who feels nothing that strongly.
Informal
“Their smiling faces just point out your inability to enjoy anything.”
The children's smiles are used as proof that the adult cannot feel the same joy.
Informal
“Is anybody okay? I'm not okay.”
One man's panic gets widened to everybody, then the speaker admits he is already lost.
Informal
“You're asking the wrong guy.”
It refuses the comfort he wants by admitting the speaker cannot promise anything.
Informal
Oh, God. They go ape shit over bubbles. They're really going ape shit. I mean, that's an incredible thing about a child. I mean, what's so great about bubbles? They float. You can pop them. I mean, I get it. I get it. I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.
Up next · 04out the windowThe scene: The White Bronco EscapeThe lines just before it have a stork drop the baby, a hole open in the body, blood coming out of the head, a butt falling off, and someone digging up a baby. The next line is "That's exactly right." Nothing after that corrects the stork, the blood, or the butt. The agreement stands where an explanation would go.
The yard has "Fetch" and "Go get it! Fetch!" Then come "He's playing fetch with my kids," "He's treating my kids like they're dogs," and "Who plays fetch with kids?" The complaint is the dog comparison. "He's trying. He's making an effort" defends the effort, not the game.
The question in front of it is "Am I gonna be okay, man?" Between them come "Oh, who knows?" and "Is anybody okay? I'm not okay." The line turns the question away. It does not say whether anyone will be okay.
No one line wins. "Aren't you supposed to be married to have a baby?" states the rule. "You don't have to be" rejects it. "When you love each other, you get married and have a baby" puts the rule back. Both versions are still standing at the end of the exchange.
