laugh yourself into stitches笑得肚子抽筋

把看戏的邀请说成开药方：先点你身上的脾，再抛一个笑到抽筋的结果。

If you desire X and will Y, follow me

招呼朋友一起去看热闹、看笑话时，可以借这个节奏来吆喝。

Come along if you want a good laugh. ／ Follow me if you're up for watching the show.

literary

重音落在 laugh 和 stitches，前面 spleen 一带而过。

If you desire a real laugh and will risk a sore stomach, follow me to the comedy club. 你要是真想笑一场，不怕笑到肚子疼，就跟我去喜剧俱乐部。

三个 thanks 层层加码，把说不尽的感激推到最高点。

I can no other answer make but thanks

别人帮了大忙，你觉得一句谢谢太轻时，可以这样把谢意叠起来。

I have no words but thank you. ／ Thanks, and thanks again, for everything.

literary

thanks 一次比一次重，最后的 ever thanks 放慢收尾。

I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, for getting me through that month. 帮我熬过那个月，我除了道谢真的无话可说，谢谢，谢谢。

用解剖和跳蚤当尺子，把懦弱夸张成一具空壳，损人不带一个脏字。

if he were X, I'll eat the rest

朋友吹牛时，用荒诞假设加一个夸张后果来拆台，比直接骂更有趣。

If he's that brave, I'll eat my hat. ／ Open him up and you won't find a drop of courage.

口语

so much ... as 连成一条线读，最后的 eat 加重。

If that excuse were true, I would eat the rest of this menu. 那个借口要是真的，这整份菜单剩下的我都吃了。

用「像凶手一样跟踪」形容盯梢，阴森的比喻配恶作剧的动机，坏笑的画面感全出来了。

I have dogged him like his murderer.

半开玩笑地说自己一路盯着某人时用；认真说会让人以为你在威胁，别用。

I trailed him like a hitman. ／ I followed him like his shadow, or worse.

口语

I have dogged him 连读重推，like his murderer 放慢收住。

I have dogged the delivery van like its murderer. 我像它的杀手一样一路跟着那辆快递车。

把「撮合不了」夸张成牛拉绳拽，乡土的比喻让结论既好笑又决绝。

Oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together.

半开玩笑地说两人合不来时用，带乡土腔；正式评估团队搭配别用。

Not even oxen could pull those two together. ／ No rope could drag them into one room.

口语

I think 轻带，oxen and wainropes 重读，cannot hale them together 放慢收住。

Oxen and wainropes cannot hale those two into a partnership. 用牛和绳子也拉不到那两人合作。