“Drug dealers are like any other businessmen.”
Why it's great
It strips the romance from crime and files it under business as usual.
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Use it yourself
Consultants are like any other salesmen, just better dressed.
00:00 / 04:53
00:00 / 04:53
Martin Hannett's Funeral, Explained
24 Hour Party People · 2002
Chapter 7 of 10 · 4'53"
The Hacienda is packed every night yet never makes money, because the crowd runs on ecstasy, not alcohol — and the cash flows to the dealers. "Drug dealers are like any other businessmen," Tony says, and soon guns follow. At Martin Hannett's funeral, the coffin won't fit the grave, and he sums up: "We're all equal in the grave."
Key moments
Start here, then watch the full scene- 0:02–0:59
Why the Hacienda Never Made Money
57s - 3:47–4:10
❝ Monologue · 9 lines A father's confession
He admits his failures as a father and then quietly writes himself out of the lead role.
22s
Martin Hannett's Funeral, explained
What happens
The Hacienda draws huge crowds but loses money, since the night runs on ecstasy rather than drink, and most of the cash goes to drug dealers. Dealers act like any business, chasing market share and eliminating competition, and violence follows into the club. Later, at producer Martin Hannett's funeral, Tony reflects on his own failings and on death.
What's really going on
The scene is really about a contradiction Tony can't fix: the club is a triumph culturally and a disaster financially, because its success depends on a drug economy he doesn't control. 'Drug dealers are like any other businessmen,' he says, half-joking, and the joke turns literal when violence arrives. His answer — giving the dealers doorman uniforms, borrowing 'keep your enemies closer' from Plutarch — only hands them the door. The second half shifts from business to mortality. At Martin Hannett's funeral, comfort fails, small talk about grapes and mobile phones can't cover the awkwardness, and the coffin literally doesn't fit. 'We're all equal in the grave,' Tony says, then undercuts it: 'Except Martin... who was a huge character.' The film keeps laughing at the very moment it mourns.
Key lines & what they mean
- “Drug dealers are like any other businessmen.”
- Tony's deadpan analogy: dealers chase market share and crush rivals just like corporations. Saying it plainly makes the club's dependency on them sound almost normal — which is the joke and the problem.
- “I'm a minor character in my own story.”
- After admitting he wasn't a good father, Tony cuts the self-pity: even in his own life, he insists, he's a supporting player, not the hero. A line that's both humble and a joke about the film itself.
- “We're all equal in the grave.”
- The funeral's would-be comfort: death erases status. It sets up the punchline that follows, since Martin, in Tony's telling, was anything but ordinary.
- “So huge, his coffin wouldn't fit in his grave.”
- The dark punchline: Martin Hannett was such a big personality that even his coffin won't fit the plot. Grief and comedy land in the same sentence.
Theme
- Corruption — The club can't survive without the drug trade, and Tony's fix — hiring dealers as doormen — only brings the violence inside.
- Death & grief — At Hannett's funeral, death levels everyone — 'We're all equal in the grave' — before the film undercuts it with a joke about the size of the coffin.
What this chapter teaches
Teaching points
Review right after watchingMy level2/11
A1–C2 is the CEFR scale. Cards above the level you pick fade, and playback will not auto-pause on them.
Language points
Click a card to jump to its moment in the videoGolden lines
A great line in its own right — why and how to use it“I'm a minor character in my own story.”
Why it's great
It is a rare admission that a man is not the hero of his own life.
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literary
Use it yourself
At every party I feel like a minor character in my own story.
“We're all equal in the grave.”
Why it's great
A grim proverb that lands harder because the scene has been all about power.
Register
literary
Use it yourself
We are all equal in the grave, so why fight over a seat?
“So huge, his coffin wouldn't fit in his grave.”
Why it's great
It ends a funeral with a punchline, which is exactly how grief and laughter sit together.
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Informal
Use it yourself
He was so tall his coffin would not fit in the lift.
Monologue
One character carrying the scene — shadow the whole passage❝ A father's confession
I should have found time to tell you earlier,... ..I did have children with my second wife, Hilary,... ..and there was a time when I was with Lindsay when that was all I wanted... ..and, no, I've not been the best father in the world,... ..yes, I could have been there more than I have,... ..and obviously I've got regrets. But this is not a film about me. I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be. I'm a minor character in my own story.
He admits his failures as a father and then quietly writes himself out of the lead role.
Up next · 08back downThe scene: Tony Wilson Buys Back the TapeTakeaways
What you walk away with- Market share is the slice of a market you control.
- Get shut down means an authority forces a place to close.
- Put things in perspective resets what matters.
- The best father line is understatement, not praise.
People also search
Questions, then the linesWhy does the Hacienda lose money?
Because the crowd is there for ecstasy, not alcohol, so the bar doesn't earn. The club pays for the building, staff, DJs and sound system, while most of the cash goes to the dealers who never share it.
Who was Martin Hannett?
He was a producer closely tied to Factory Records and the Manchester sound. At his funeral Tony notes he "had a heart attack," and the coffin that won't fit is his.
Why does Tony give the drug dealers doorman uniforms?
On the theory of keeping enemies close, he thinks bringing them inside will let him control the door and the drugs. It backfires, and he admits they end up controlling neither.
Is the film making fun of the funeral?
It mixes grief with its usual deadpan humour. The reflections are sincere, but the line about Hannett being too big for his grave keeps the scene from turning solemn.
What does 'wind-up' mean here?
British slang for a joke or teasing. When someone asks a doorman "You're on a wind-up, aren't you?", they mean: you're messing with me, right?