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My Fellow Americans · 1996 — Chapter 7 of 13 · 2'11" · B1

Presidents Trade a Watch for a Ride, Explained: steams my clams

Two presidents flag a ride to Cleveland and call it a fact-finding mission. The driver wants a watch, not a speech. Beneath the bargain sits a class clash. "This really steams my clams" mourns a Gorbachev watch, and a later line says these Washington men would not know the plain truth if it jumped up at them.

What happens

Matt Douglas and President Kramer are broke on the road to Cleveland. One of them tells a driver who they are, claims a fact-finding mission for the interstate commerce commission, and asks for a ride with no cash. She takes a watch instead. In the car, talk of a burrito turns into a fight about weight and whether men from Washington can see the plain truth.

Asking for helpArgumentsBargainingConfrontingStrangersB1fastamericanClean
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steams my clamsbit you in the buttpiss her offkiller hick

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Phrase of the scene

steams my clams

it makes me very angry

前总统看到对方要拿走戈尔巴乔夫送的手表，气得冒出一句古怪的抱怨。

Losing that parking spot really steams my clams.

Also in this scene

  • bit you in the butt

    to backfire and cause you trouble

  • piss her off

    把她惹毛

  • killer hick

    乡巴佬（贬义）；hick 指土里土气、没见识的乡下人

Everything marked in this scene

29 notes across 36 lines

Phrase · A2be out of moneyI'm out of money. Lend me five bucks for a burger.
Phrase · A2lend me somethingI'm out of money. Lend me five bucks for a burger.
Soundout of money

elision

I'm out of money. Lend me five bucks for a burger.
Phrase · A2what kind of somethingWhat kind of burger? Uh, one with bacon.
Phrase · A2be in troubleand you're wondering why the Democrats are in trouble.
Phrase · B2we've got companyOh, we got company.
Phrase · A2hope something worksOh, God, I hope this works.
Phrase · B1not have any other choiceWe don't have any other choice.
Phrase · B1how do you doHow do you do?
SoundHow do you do

weak form

How do you do?
Phrase · B2a bit overwhelmingI'm sure it's a bit overwhelming for you to meet us like this, but we're on a fact-finding mission
Phrase · B2a fact-finding missionI'm sure it's a bit overwhelming for you to meet us like this, but we're on a fact-finding mission
Grammar · B2it's a bit overwhelming for you to meet us

for someone to do structure

I'm sure it's a bit overwhelming for you to meet us like this, but we're on a fact-finding mission
Phrase · B2gain a personal perspective on somethingYeah, well, we have to ride with you so we can gain a personal perspective
Phrase · B1someone must be jokingWell, you must be joking. That's a constellation.
Phrase · C1steam someone's clams

it makes me very angry

This really steams my clams.
Phrase · B1in the entire worldThere are only two watches like that in the entire world.
Slang · C1killer hickReagan has one, and now Shamu the killer hick has the other.
Phrase · C1piss someone offWill you shut up? We don't want to piss her off.
Soundshut up

flap

Will you shut up? We don't want to piss her off.
Phrase · B1what's wrong with someoneWhat's wrong with you? I'm obese. Open your damn eyes.
Phrase · B2open one's eyesWhat's wrong with you? I'm obese. Open your damn eyes.
Slang · B1damnWhat's wrong with you? I'm obese. Open your damn eyes.
Phrase · B2one of those rare thingsYou must be one of those rare gals who look good carrying an extra one, two... Hundred pounds.
Grammar · B2those rare gals who look good

relative clause with who

You must be one of those rare gals who look good carrying an extra one, two... Hundred pounds.
Phrase · B2the trouble with someoneYou know, that's the trouble with you boys in Washington.
Phrase · C1bite someone in the butt

to backfire and cause you trouble

You wouldn't know the plain truth if it jumped up and bit you in the butt.
Grammar · C1if it jumped up and bit you

hypothetical conditional

You wouldn't know the plain truth if it jumped up and bit you in the butt.
Phrase · A2nice jobNice job not pissing her off.

Presidents Trade a Watch for a Ride, explained

What's really going on

The ride begins as a con. Broke, and admitting "We don't have any other choice," the two presidents package a hitchhike as a "fact-finding mission" for the interstate commerce commission, a way to "gain a personal perspective" on the interstate system. The driver skips the ceremony. "I'll take your watch" turns the appeal into a price. The anger that follows is about status. "This really steams my clams" follows the loss of a Constellation watch given by Gorbachev. Someone adds that only two like it exist. Food talk does not cool the car. A compliment about dieting slides into weight, and the driver ends it with "You wouldn't know the plain truth if it jumped up and bit you in the butt." She is answering the flattery. She has called herself obese, and she says they still would not know the plain truth. In this car, Washington means people who talk past a fact until the person giving the ride names it.

Theme

SatireTwo presidents hitch a ride, pay with a watch, and get lectured by the driver on the plain truth.
ClassA Gorbachev watch and the phrase boys in Washington meet a driver who prices the ride herself and names what they will not say.

Listen for

  • out of money — elision
  • How do you do — weak form
  • shut up — flap
You wouldn't know the plain truth if it jumped up and bit you in the butt.

The driver is finished with polite dodging. She means the two men can look straight at her and still refuse to admit what she has already said about her size.

What's wrong with you? I'm obese. Open your damn eyes.

She throws the compliment back, states her size out loud, and tells the other person to look.

We don't have any other choice.

Said before they walk up to the car. Hitching this ride is the only move they believe they have left.

You know, that's the trouble with you boys in Washington.

She lumps both passengers in with Washington and says their habit is missing an obvious fact, in this case her weight.

Questions about this scene

Why do they give up the watch?

They have no cash, and they say they have no other choice. The driver answers with "I'll take your watch." A speaker protests that Gorbachev gave him the watch and that only two like it exist, but the talk moves on to food, so the watch is what buys the ride.

Why does the diet talk turn into a fight?

Someone tells her she does not need to diet and adds that she looks good carrying an extra hundred pounds. She has already said she is obese. She treats the flattery as a dodge and says they would miss the plain truth even if it jumped up at them.

What does "This really steams my clams" mean here?

It is an old, comic way to say a person is furious. In the car it follows the loss of the watch: a gift from Gorbachev is gone, and only two like it exist, so the speaker is boiling.

Are they honest about why they need the ride?

No. Someone introduces Matt Douglas and President Kramer and calls the ride a fact-finding mission for the interstate commerce commission, a way to judge the highways in person. Just before the pitch, they admit they hope the story works because they have no other choice.

My Fellow Americans · 13 chapters

All chapters →
Up next · Chapter 8live in the pastOld Rivals Almost Bond
Chapter 1too little too lateGolf Talk Turns AwkwardChapter 2shift the stinkThe Missing Appointment LogChapter 3skedaddleTanner Summons the PresidentsChapter 4in the middle of nowherePresidents Hijacked in the WoodsChapter 5get away with itWalking to Ohio for EvidenceChapter 6stick a fork inPassengers Gossip About the PresidentsWatching · Chapter 7steams my clamsPresidents Trade a Watch for a RideChapter 8live in the pastOld Rivals Almost BondChapter 9shut your cake holeWayne Gets the History WrongChapter 10put on a spreadKramer and Douglas Find the FixChapter 11up to its knees inHaney Confesses to the Cover-UpChapter 12the end of the worldTanner Corners Them in the TunnelChapter 13a way aroundThe Presidents Confront Each Other
Chapter 7 of 13 · about 16 min to go